I could take this topic in so many directions. The examples of bad decision-making are so rampant these days that it's difficult to gather my thoughts and arrange my words appropriately, but I'll try.
We've recently been inundated with examples of athletes and celebrities and their poor decision-making skills--David Carradine, Steve McNair, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Chris Henry, etcetera--so there's really no need to rehash their 'transgressions' here. In light of these unfortunate (and thrice tragic) series of events, I've decided to reflect on some of the worst decisions I've ever made. Fortunately (and quite obviously), none of these resulted in my untimely demise or cost me (even potentially) hundreds of millions of dollars. Some, I believe, did have a butterfly effect on my life, though. And I can honestly say these events helped shape the person I am today. But what I know for sure is whatever mistake or misstep I made I lived to tell the tale and am able to make up for it/correct/address the problem, and that is a blessing.
So without further adieu...
Top 10 Worst Decisions I Ever Made
10. Not attending STT (Science Tools & Technology) - a semester long program for the smarty-art 9th graders at my high school. I was chosen but gave up my spot for some dumb-ass reason like scheduling. There was something to do about having to double up on courses and not being able to start my elective courses until the following year. Like I said, dumb-ass! I can't imagine what I could've said to my parents to make them go along with this, but my powers of persuasion have always been stellar, so...
9. Cutting off all my hair and 'going natural' - it just wasn't a good look for me. My head was too big, and I compounded the problem by going to a barber instead of a beautician. While it was cheaper, I had the same hairstyle as my husband...not cool. Gotta love the hubby for going along with it, though.
8. Lying to my mother about spending the night with my cousin - it sounds benign, but my intentions were not pure. My cousin (who had permission) and I were going to a popular teen club, Motions, that night. My mom had said NO, but I failed to mention that part to my mom. When my aunt and cousin came to pick me up, my aunt dropped dime that she'd heard the club was safe and fun and that she didn't anticipate any issues with picking us up. My mom let me go, but not before she gave me the I'm-so-disappointed-in-you speech and told me that she didn't know when she'd ever trust me again "so I hope you enjoy yourself tonight because it's going to be a long time..." And it was.
7. Not going to see my grandfather before he died - To my credit, he told me not to worry about it. I was in college, and he wanted me to focus. He didn't want me on the road, and everyone assured me that everything would be okay. Now, I knew the end was near but I figured I could just go the following weekend. He died a few days later, and I did go the next weekend...to get ready for the funeral. Regrettable.
6. Putting off visiting my uncle in the hospital - Similar story. He'd had some surgery and was recovering well, or so I thought. I wanted to wait for the hubby so we could go together. The plan was to go the next day (a Tuesday). He died suddenly and unexpectedly Monday night. History repeats itself.
5. Taking out student loans to pay for my lifestyle - in medical school, which was covered by a scholarship. There was even money left over, but I was trying to be somebody in medical school. And clearly not a doctor because I left school with the debt...sans degree. Tsk-tsk.
4. Playing the hard role instead of forgiving him - Anyone who knows the hubby and I know this story. Suffice it to say, there had been a misunderstanding. Words were exchanged. Letters went unanswered. Recriminations hurled back and forth. And in the moment of truth when he approached me hat in hand and face to face, I basically told him to take a long walk off a short pier. Six years passed with barely more than a curt hello when we were inadvertently in the same place. It all worked out in the end. Been married 10.5 years! Forgiveness is always a timely lesson with surprising results.
3. Choosing UT-Memphis over MCG - The scholarship packages were identical. Let's just start there. The difference was, I wasn't going to know anyone at MCG (Medical College of Georgia), and UT was like Xavier North. A great big party, right?! In fact it was, and see #5 for the results of said party. Clearly, I can't assume that I'd be a doctor today had I chosen MCG, but the distraction factor would have been greatly decreased. I'm just saying.
2. Taking classes my 2nd semester of senior year at XU - I was finished with coursework. GPA was the bomb. All I had left to do was write a thesis and graduate. All indications from the parental units were that I could write the paper from home or from Penn (where I had an offer to do research for a semester). Did I mention that XU is located in New Orleans? Option #2 was to enroll in classes that would "help me be more prepared for med school" so that I could stay in the N.O.. SMH! Youth is so wasted on the young! Sidebar: I had a freaking fabulous time that semester. No regrets from that standpoint, but I know that taking the semester to get my head right would have been a better form of "preparation" for med school. Just saying...
1. Hoarding my novel for over a decade before publishing - Hot Chocolate was written when I was junior in college. I put the finishing touches on it senior year and even shopped it to a couple of small-time publishers. Got some positive feedback on the first few chapters. I'd like to say that life took over, but really it was fear that took over. (I'm trying to work on decreasing my fear factor in 2010!) I eventually self-published it, but who knows how many times I'd have been on the NYT Best-seller list if I'd been a 21 year old phenom?! Probably the same number of times as now...none, but who's to say?
I'm sure there are thousands of other bad decisions I've made throughout my life, but these are the ones that seep into my mind when I'm awake at night. Like I stated previously, I get the chance to atone or do it over (where necessary), and I plan to.
I wonder what your lists look like. Post them to comments if you dare!
By the way, Hot Chocolate is available at www.tomikadmoody.com.
Happy Holidays!
We've recently been inundated with examples of athletes and celebrities and their poor decision-making skills--David Carradine, Steve McNair, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Chris Henry, etcetera--so there's really no need to rehash their 'transgressions' here. In light of these unfortunate (and thrice tragic) series of events, I've decided to reflect on some of the worst decisions I've ever made. Fortunately (and quite obviously), none of these resulted in my untimely demise or cost me (even potentially) hundreds of millions of dollars. Some, I believe, did have a butterfly effect on my life, though. And I can honestly say these events helped shape the person I am today. But what I know for sure is whatever mistake or misstep I made I lived to tell the tale and am able to make up for it/correct/address the problem, and that is a blessing.
So without further adieu...
Top 10 Worst Decisions I Ever Made
10. Not attending STT (Science Tools & Technology) - a semester long program for the smarty-art 9th graders at my high school. I was chosen but gave up my spot for some dumb-ass reason like scheduling. There was something to do about having to double up on courses and not being able to start my elective courses until the following year. Like I said, dumb-ass! I can't imagine what I could've said to my parents to make them go along with this, but my powers of persuasion have always been stellar, so...
9. Cutting off all my hair and 'going natural' - it just wasn't a good look for me. My head was too big, and I compounded the problem by going to a barber instead of a beautician. While it was cheaper, I had the same hairstyle as my husband...not cool. Gotta love the hubby for going along with it, though.
8. Lying to my mother about spending the night with my cousin - it sounds benign, but my intentions were not pure. My cousin (who had permission) and I were going to a popular teen club, Motions, that night. My mom had said NO, but I failed to mention that part to my mom. When my aunt and cousin came to pick me up, my aunt dropped dime that she'd heard the club was safe and fun and that she didn't anticipate any issues with picking us up. My mom let me go, but not before she gave me the I'm-so-disappointed-in-you speech and told me that she didn't know when she'd ever trust me again "so I hope you enjoy yourself tonight because it's going to be a long time..." And it was.
7. Not going to see my grandfather before he died - To my credit, he told me not to worry about it. I was in college, and he wanted me to focus. He didn't want me on the road, and everyone assured me that everything would be okay. Now, I knew the end was near but I figured I could just go the following weekend. He died a few days later, and I did go the next weekend...to get ready for the funeral. Regrettable.
6. Putting off visiting my uncle in the hospital - Similar story. He'd had some surgery and was recovering well, or so I thought. I wanted to wait for the hubby so we could go together. The plan was to go the next day (a Tuesday). He died suddenly and unexpectedly Monday night. History repeats itself.
5. Taking out student loans to pay for my lifestyle - in medical school, which was covered by a scholarship. There was even money left over, but I was trying to be somebody in medical school. And clearly not a doctor because I left school with the debt...sans degree. Tsk-tsk.
4. Playing the hard role instead of forgiving him - Anyone who knows the hubby and I know this story. Suffice it to say, there had been a misunderstanding. Words were exchanged. Letters went unanswered. Recriminations hurled back and forth. And in the moment of truth when he approached me hat in hand and face to face, I basically told him to take a long walk off a short pier. Six years passed with barely more than a curt hello when we were inadvertently in the same place. It all worked out in the end. Been married 10.5 years! Forgiveness is always a timely lesson with surprising results.
3. Choosing UT-Memphis over MCG - The scholarship packages were identical. Let's just start there. The difference was, I wasn't going to know anyone at MCG (Medical College of Georgia), and UT was like Xavier North. A great big party, right?! In fact it was, and see #5 for the results of said party. Clearly, I can't assume that I'd be a doctor today had I chosen MCG, but the distraction factor would have been greatly decreased. I'm just saying.
2. Taking classes my 2nd semester of senior year at XU - I was finished with coursework. GPA was the bomb. All I had left to do was write a thesis and graduate. All indications from the parental units were that I could write the paper from home or from Penn (where I had an offer to do research for a semester). Did I mention that XU is located in New Orleans? Option #2 was to enroll in classes that would "help me be more prepared for med school" so that I could stay in the N.O.. SMH! Youth is so wasted on the young! Sidebar: I had a freaking fabulous time that semester. No regrets from that standpoint, but I know that taking the semester to get my head right would have been a better form of "preparation" for med school. Just saying...
1. Hoarding my novel for over a decade before publishing - Hot Chocolate was written when I was junior in college. I put the finishing touches on it senior year and even shopped it to a couple of small-time publishers. Got some positive feedback on the first few chapters. I'd like to say that life took over, but really it was fear that took over. (I'm trying to work on decreasing my fear factor in 2010!) I eventually self-published it, but who knows how many times I'd have been on the NYT Best-seller list if I'd been a 21 year old phenom?! Probably the same number of times as now...none, but who's to say?
I'm sure there are thousands of other bad decisions I've made throughout my life, but these are the ones that seep into my mind when I'm awake at night. Like I stated previously, I get the chance to atone or do it over (where necessary), and I plan to.
I wonder what your lists look like. Post them to comments if you dare!
By the way, Hot Chocolate is available at www.tomikadmoody.com.
Happy Holidays!
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Love your honesty! Is it selfish of me to say I'm glad you made mistake #2? Like you said...fabulous time!
You asked ...
I’m assuming we’re referring only to decisions made above the age of 13, so here goes:
10. Telling my boyfriend’s secret to my roommate … and not making sure I’d hung the phone up all the way first.
9. Kissing that guy I met at the train station that day. Don’t ask.
8. Leaving the newspaper so soon. There was much more I could’ve learned there. I had to wait years later to learn it all.
7. Agreeing to go to my father’s house with him that day. He’d just yelled at my mom, but riding in the new car and eating fancy food was more important than standing up to him back then. Bad decision. Big regret.
6. Failing to fight for financial assistance to stay at Spelman. I was 18, so I could have gone against my father’s wishes and requested financial aid. I was confused, hurt and afraid, but I should have been an advocate for myself. I regret it often, but realize that were if not for that decision, a lot of happy things in my life wouldn’t exist. Most of them start with Cs.
5. Not taking more pictures of my high school experience. If we’d had digital cameras back then, my memories would be much more vibrant; but now I have only the couple dozen images to wrap up my entire four years (five if you count 8th grade – and I SO do!) worth of experiences.
4. Spending when I should have saved. Self-explanatory.
3. Buying such an expensive wedding dress. WTF?! I mean, it’s in a bag, in another bag, in a box, on the shelf somewhere. What a waste.
2. Not asking for more money when I took my current job. I had a figure in my head that we’d determined was the bottom. I should’ve asked for $5K more than that.
1. Assuming that my relationship with God would somehow rub off on my kids. They don’t have my history. They didn’t experience what I experienced. I should take them to church more often. I think I’ll make a good decision to correct this one.