I could take this topic in so many directions.  The examples of bad decision-making are so rampant these days that it's difficult to gather my thoughts and arrange my words appropriately, but I'll try.

We've recently been inundated with examples of athletes and celebrities and their poor decision-making skills--David Carradine, Steve McNair, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Chris Henry, etcetera--so there's really no need to rehash their 'transgressions' here.  In light of these unfortunate (and thrice tragic) series of events, I've decided to reflect on some of the worst decisions I've ever made. Fortunately (and quite obviously), none of these resulted in my untimely demise or cost me (even potentially) hundreds of millions of dollars.  Some, I believe, did have a butterfly effect on my life, though.  And I can honestly say these events helped shape the person I am today.  But what I know for sure is whatever mistake or misstep I made I lived to tell the tale and am able to make up for it/correct/address the problem, and that is a blessing.

So without further adieu...

Top 10 Worst Decisions I Ever Made

10. Not attending STT (Science Tools & Technology) - a semester long program for the smarty-art 9th graders at my high school.  I was chosen but gave up my spot for some dumb-ass reason like scheduling.  There was something to do about having to double up on courses and not being able to start my elective courses until the following year.  Like I said, dumb-ass!  I can't imagine what I could've said to my parents to make them go along with this, but my powers of persuasion have always been stellar, so...

9.  Cutting off all my hair and 'going natural' - it just wasn't a good look for me.  My head was too big, and I compounded the problem by going to a barber instead of a beautician.  While it was cheaper, I had the same hairstyle as my husband...not cool.  Gotta love the hubby for going along with it, though.

8.  Lying to my mother about spending the night with my cousin - it sounds benign, but my intentions were not pure.  My cousin (who had permission) and I were going to a popular teen club, Motions, that night.  My mom had said NO, but I failed to mention that part to my mom.  When my aunt and cousin came to pick me up, my aunt dropped dime that she'd heard the club was safe and fun and that she didn't anticipate any issues with picking us up.  My mom let me go, but not before she gave me the I'm-so-disappointed-in-you speech and told me that she didn't know when she'd ever trust me again "so I hope you enjoy yourself tonight because it's going to be a long time..."  And it was.

7.  Not going to see my grandfather before he died - To my credit, he told me not to worry about it.  I was in college, and he wanted me to focus.  He didn't want me on the road, and everyone assured me that everything would be okay.  Now, I knew the end was near but I figured I could just go the following weekend.  He died a few days later, and I did go the next weekend...to get ready for the funeral.  Regrettable.

6.  Putting off visiting my uncle in the hospital - Similar story.  He'd had some surgery and was recovering well, or so I thought.  I wanted to wait for the hubby so we could go together.  The plan was to go the next day (a Tuesday).  He died suddenly and unexpectedly Monday night.  History repeats itself.

5.  Taking out student loans to pay for my lifestyle - in medical school, which was covered by a scholarship.  There was even money left over, but I was trying to be somebody in medical school.  And clearly not a doctor because I left school with the debt...sans degree.  Tsk-tsk.

4.  Playing the hard role instead of forgiving him - Anyone who knows the hubby and I know this story. Suffice it to say, there had been a misunderstanding.  Words were exchanged.  Letters went unanswered.  Recriminations hurled back and forth.  And in the moment of truth when he approached me hat in hand and face to face, I basically told him to take a long walk off a short pier.  Six years passed with barely more than a curt hello when we were inadvertently in the same place.  It all worked out in the end.  Been married 10.5 years!  Forgiveness is always a timely lesson with surprising results.

3. Choosing UT-Memphis over MCG - The scholarship packages were identical. Let's just start there.  The difference was, I wasn't going to know anyone at MCG (Medical College of Georgia), and UT was like Xavier North.  A great big party, right?!  In fact it was, and see #5 for the results of said party.  Clearly, I can't assume that I'd be a doctor today had I chosen MCG, but the distraction factor would have been greatly decreased.  I'm just saying.

2.  Taking classes my 2nd semester of senior year at XU - I was finished with coursework.  GPA was the bomb.  All I had left to do was write a thesis and graduate.  All indications from the parental units were that I could write the paper from home or from Penn (where I had an offer to do research for a semester).  Did I mention that XU is located in New Orleans?  Option #2 was to enroll in classes that would "help me be more prepared for med school" so that I could stay in the N.O..  SMH!  Youth is so wasted on the young!  Sidebar:  I had a freaking fabulous time that semester.  No regrets from that standpoint, but I know that taking the semester to get my head right would have been a better form of "preparation" for med school.  Just saying...

1.  Hoarding my novel for over a decade before publishing - Hot Chocolate was written when I was junior in college.  I put the finishing touches on it senior year and even shopped it to a couple of small-time publishers.  Got some positive feedback on the first few chapters.  I'd like to say that life took over, but really it was fear that took over.  (I'm trying to work on decreasing my fear factor in 2010!)  I eventually self-published it, but who knows how many times I'd have been on the NYT Best-seller list if I'd been a 21 year old phenom?!  Probably the same number of times as now...none, but who's to say?

I'm sure there are thousands of other bad decisions I've made throughout my life, but these are the ones that seep into my mind when I'm awake at night.  Like I stated previously, I get the chance to atone or do it over (where necessary), and I plan to.

I wonder what your lists look like.  Post them to comments if you dare!


By the way, Hot Chocolate is available at  www.tomikadmoody.com.

Happy Holidays!

An original haiku (thanks for the idea, K!) about the way I am feeling about a few friends in my life right now.  It is apparent to me that friends, like flowers, sometimes need to be clipped from the plant in order for the plant to thrive and grow more flowers.  It doesn't seem to matter how much work I put in, these few "flowers" seem to be stunted in growth, so before I let them choke me and my other friendships out, I'm going to do what any good gardener would do.  Deadhead.

I wish these flowers no ill-will.  Perhaps some day they can thrive in my garden again, but for now I need to spend time tending to the other flowers that actually respond to my efforts and reward my efforts with positive growth.  I take care of them, and they take care of me by being the best flowers they can be.

They say bad things always happen in 3's, so I guess the turn of events over the past week shouldn't be so shocking! First, we had the protest of President Obama's Back to School speech to America's students. That brouhaha was followed by Joe Wilson calling the President a liar during the President's nationally televised address about healthcare reform. And for the coup de grace, Serena Williams had an extinction-level meltdown at the US Open that cost her match-point, $10,000 in fines (which could go higher), and a level of scrutiny that she doesn't need in her life. Oh, and I think Kanye West deserves to be on the list (even though he makes it 4 bad things, but it's my blog and I can do what I want!) for interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards and asserting that Beyonce's video was better.

Admittedly, I already tackled the Obama Back to School speech, so I will say nothing more about that at this juncture. Except that I was right. The speech was benign, insightful and timely. Any parent, teacher or politician who objected to the speech should be ashamed of themselves. Any school system administrator that caved to the pressure of phone calls from any of the aforementioned people and opted not to show the video doesn't deserve the trust parents put in them to put the needs of students first. Yes, I am saying they should lose their jobs. So worried were these school officials about the empty threats made by narrow-minded parents, teachers and politicians that they chose not to show the twenty minute pep talk and issued lame excuses like:

I find it very interesting that people are so up in arms about Obama's plan to speak to school children. I've wasted a lot of time reading through the blogs and comments about it, and I am still left confused. What the hell are people so afraid of?
In my readings (of blogs and responses to blogs) I have narrowed down all the posturing and bellyaching about the speech into three main reasons why some don't want their children exposed to President Obama's message. (Yes, exposed. Like we're talking about H1N1 or Jim Jones teachings or something!)

It's not the message ... I just don't think class time should be used for it.
WHAT-EVER! Let's examine two scenarios, shall we?
1. For many children in the nation, Tuesday, September 8th is the first day of school. I don't know how many of you remember the first day of school, but as a parent and former teacher, I can say that there is nothing going on that day. If your child is in elementary school, the majority of the day is spent explaining what supplies will be needed (even though you got the list in a mailer over the summer), discussing how great the school year is going to be, issuing books (if there are enough of them), doing cutesy bullshit getting-to-know-you activities, filling out information cards, figuring out bus schedules, praying that lunch is on time, hoping that recess is near, and exhaling when the final bells rings.
If your child is in middle school or high school, multiply all of those activities by the number of classes your child has (between 4 and 6), add in transition time--including those who will get lost walking across the hall, the issuing of lockers, going over syllabi, and the hassle of having explaining to kids that "even though we know your schedule is wrong, the counseling office is swamped with new registrants, and you'll need to tough this out for a few days until they can get to you. Okay, hon?"
My guess is, a twenty minute break from all that fun isn't going to kill anyone! It's not going to cause little Johnny not to graduate or fail his End Of Course Test. Parents, you're gonna have to dig deeper for a way to pretend that you're not a racist, right wing, nut job who is still so bitter that your candidate didn't win that you will start and perpetuate fear that this black man is going look your kids in the eyes and say STAY IN SCHOOL!
2. For the rest of the nation, school started 1-3 weeks ago. This means that all the first week kinks have been worked out, your kids have begun to receive and fail to turn in homework assignments. Likely, they have a test coming up. All of the underachieving and non-achieving class clowns have been identified and are constantly terrorizing your child's classroom. Whatever assignment your child was given to work on over the long weekend wasn't completed because your family had big plans to go to "the lake," and "how dare that scumbag teacher of yours give you homework? Just because she doesn't have a life doesn't mean that she can ruin yours!" Your student's teacher will waste twenty minutes (at least) attending to those issues--the classroom terrorists and the snotty I-don't-have-my-homework-so-what-are-you-gonna-do-about-it--and she'll be needing a cigarette or stiff drink by the time she's done. President Obama's speech will likely keep her from doing bodily harm to herself or your kids. He'll provide a little bit of backup to things she's been telling them and possibly have a better rest of the day. See parents, you would know these things about your children's classrooms if you'd ever set foot in one, but you haven't. And you have the audacity to call up "inappropriate use of class time" as a reason why your kids shouldn't be made to listen to the president. Cut the shit, would you? You don't want them to hear the President--of the country you say you love--tell them to work hard in school and take responsibility for their learning because he might not look like you or believe everything you claim you believe. And because you're too lazy to speak with your kids about the speech when they get home or before they go to school (or better yet, attend class with your kids and be there to answer questions and see how it's handled), you'll stand on your soapboxes spreading fear and paranoia that he is going to ... what? Make your kids believe that education is good? Show your kids that they cannot be absent from a conversation about the direction education is heading because they are the ones in school? The nerve!

It's not the address I'm concerned about ... it's the discussion materials.
Are you serious? I mean, really? Let me just say that I had a chance to look at the discussion materials. Again, as a parent (and former teacher) it's my duty to preview materials that will be disseminated to my child. I went to the website and downloaded the both the Pre-K-6 and 7-12 versions of the discussion materials when I heard that there was questionable content. I had read on CNN that what caused all the controversy in the beginning was a question that asked students to ponder "what they could do to help the President." Hmmm... What ever could they mean by that? Are they asking kids from 5-17 to run away from home and join the President in a March on Education? Protest and boycott their school systems until school gets better? Oh, I know. Run home and tell your parents that Obama is good and they are bad. COME ON! If the speech is about education doesn't it make sense to any cogent being that the task was for students to exhibit some metacognition about their educations? It did to me, but to the nut-jobs and closet racists, not so much. Obviously.
The White House took out the line in an attempt to placate the angry masses. It only stands to reason these Beck-loving zombies, who feel that if they yell loud enough eventually everyone will agree with them (and if that doesn't work, start a fight), would still disapprove. In their eyes, that was a glimpse into what the President was really after. More support. But wait ... these kids are mostly not of voting age. And let's not forget that, sadly, many of these kids are going to stare blankly at the screen while the President speaks anyway, and they will have no recollection of anything he said five minutes after the speech is over. Now, if he turned his speech over to Eminem or the Black Eyed Peas (can't you just picture Fergie gyrating to a stay in school message!) your kids would hang on every word. And, actually, that would be something for you to get up in arms about. But you wouldn't.
The new and improved discussion materials actually encourages students to think about what they would say to the nation about schools, game plan and goal set for their own educations, and share those goals with their classmates. Gasp! It's so subversive I can't stand it!

The Federal Government does not belong in the classroom/ I don't want my kids' teachers talking to my kids about politics... (my personal fave!)
Heaven forbid the Federal Government invade the classrooms they built! Newsflash, right and tighters, the last President you liked created this little program called No Child Left Behind (NCLB) and funded it (LOL!). If your district operates using NCLB money, and it does, then that classroom is the Federal Government's bitch. Really. If the President wants to address your child, he can mandate it under threat of taking away funding. That's why you still have End Of Course Tests and Graduation Tests and all the other federally mandated tests that you know in your heart measures not one ounce of your child's potential to learn. The Federal Government's oversight is pretty much in your face when it comes to education, and you've allowed it to happen all this time ... until now. Because, again the Federal Government has a new face, and--if you're being honest--you just don't like it! It doesn't have anything to do with his agenda. You know he doesn't have one. He's guilty of trying to please all of the people all of the time, which means trying to appease idiots who would rather keep their kids home from school for an entire day (because won't be talking about this every day for at least the next month) than allow them to have twenty minutes of their lives be seized by the leader of the free world who only wants to tell them to stay in school and learn something.
And the comment about the teachers espousing their politics to your children...that is laughable. Do you honestly think that teachers have time to talk politics to your kids? With all the pressure they're under to make sure that your kids can graduate with minimal effort and output, you believe that they have the time or inclination to to recruit your kids to the Young Dems or Young Repubs? Is it really talking politics to say to a kid that "our President is speaking to you about your education and you should listen?" Really?

I have to say that this issue highlights one of the reasons that I pulled my kids out of public school. Not because I don't want them exposed to the President but because I don't want them exposed to the kids who will come to school spewing the same ridiculous assertions as their dumb-ass parents. Kids who learn by example to cling to antiquated ideals and use fear as a means of intimidation to win people over to their way of thinking instead of making a valid argument. Kids whose parents never learned that people can disagree and still be unified in purpose. Kids whose parents will follow a pastor of a church (a man of God) who outwardly and publicly prays for the untimely demise of his President and calls it patriotism. Kids who will grow to be ruled not by their Id, but by their Ig(norance). To the individuals who feel so strongly that the President should not address students on the state of education: please, keep your kids at home ... forever. Don't let them come back into public schools and infect everybody else with your ignorance.

If you've never been so fired up about something that it was almost impossible for someone to calm you down, then you might not be able to relate to what happened on the Gov't Schools segment of Teeing Off On... (www.blogtalkradio.com/t-ingoff). Aside from the fact that "Murphy" showed up with an array of problems--switchboard acting funny, chat room entry being arbitrarily blocked--I was hit with a sudden wave of passion for the topic that the show outline promptly discarded along with the structure of the show! Suddenly, I felt like the kids in the school yard who were determined to fight no matter the consequences!

Instead of laying out the facts in a methodical fashion, I heard myself cut right to the chase. Parents are the link. They can be what's right with public schools and they are most certainly what's wrong. Did I absolve the teachers of their responsibilities? No. But who holds the power to keep teachers in check? The parents. Who has the power to put a stop to waste, fraud and abuse that school systems suffer at the hands of bureaucrats whose children don't even attend public school? You guessed it. The parents.

More often, though, who sits back and just take what's offered to them because it's free? Parents. I would argue that public education isn't free to begin with. You just don't pay for it until it jumps off track or until your child's failure turns him into a drain on society (i.e. can't get into college, find a job or get out of your house). But it's viewed as "free" because you doesn't have to write a monthly tuition check to the schools to cover the expenses of books and uniforms and food and transportation. So my question is, then, why would a parent feel that, for free, they are entitled to the very best of anything? Why expect that your child is receiving a top-notch education when you've turned control over to the government? When was the last time the government ran anything well?

I tend to believe that what's wrong with public education is the public. The public is the one of the few cases when the intelligence quotient decreases as the number of people increases. Because this is the case, the system caters to the lowest common denominator. The curriculum is watered down. The floor is lowered so that the ceiling looks higher. Kids graduate from high school and go on to college only to find they can't cut it. Who gets the blame? The teachers. But who's really to blame? The parents. The parents who blindly trusted that their kids were in the best hands because it's the school's job to educated their kids. The parents who were on auto-pilot, never setting foot inside the school to see what was going on, never checking up on their children or their children's teachers, never available for comment until something went wrong.

As a parent, and I am a parent of two school-age children, you have to be vigilant. If your going to trust the public school system (with all its superfluous accountability schemes and antiquated learning models) with your kids, the LEAST you can do is be involved in the process. Check into what your children are learning, attend PTA and School Board Meetings, pop up on your kids at school and see for yourself what goes on during the school day. If something is wrong, make your voice heard. Chances are you won't be the only parent who feels that way. Be the change you want to see in your community. Don't just armchair quarterback your way through your children's educations! You owe them more than that. Don't be fooled into believing that the political and/or budgetary bottom lines coincide with what's best for your children. You shouldn't have to move from a neighborhood you love in order to get your kids enrolled in a school you love.

You may, however, have to consider other options. If you are able, you may have to consider private school. But if you go this route, you should understand that many private schools mandate the level of participation that I mentioned earlier. So if you're that parent that believes the magic is in the bricks or the label, then don't waste your money on private school. Private schools thrive because they can tell you to keep your money and take your kid somewhere else. Private schools can look at your child's records and decide that he/she wouldn't be a "good fit" at their school. In other words, they can filter out the riff-raff. Public schools can't do that. Before enrolling your kid in a private school, ask yourself these tough questions: Have I allowed my child to become riff-raff? Do I plan to remain on auto-pilot? Do I think the magic is in the name? Is the problem with me and my kids or is it really the school?

The final option is home schooling. I currently home school my children because I felt that their needs were not being met at our local public school, and as I stated before, what I don't like about public schools is the public. I cannot control what others are teaching or not teaching their children at home, and I didn't feel it necessary to subject my children to an environment that could not meet their needs. Both kids came to school well-prepared (entered Kindergarten knowing how to read, write, and count), but, sadly, they were in a stark minority and were held back from reaching their potentials due to curriculum choices made by the system. As a former teacher, I realized that I could leave them in the system and run around behind them all the time, or--since I have the time and inclination--I could cut out the middle man and teach them myself. Now I am the person who has control of their educations. Whatever their needs may be (I have a free-spirited kid and a type A kid), I can meet them without feeling that I am leaving other children behind. They learn at a much faster pace, and we are able to utilize resources the public system couldn't due financial constraints or just plain short-sightedness!

Long story short, if you are a "do-nothing" parent, then it's you who should immediately dis-enroll your child from government controlled schools. You are the drain on the resources. Your kids are the problem in the classroom. Your kids are the reason that so many schools are failing. Your kids are the ones who are unmotivated to learn. And they learned it from you.

There was a time in the not too distant past when black people were made to do things differently and separately from white people. We had to sit on the back of the bus, enter restaurants through the back door, attend separate (and often subpar) schools, and sit in the balcony of theaters. Black actors caught hell trying to get legitimate work, and often black roles went to white people who put on black face. (I still remember seeing Othello played by Placido Domingo in the 12th grade---before the Laurence Fishburne version was released!) It was a forced separation, and even though things like that happened before my time, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, that back door mentality didn't end with desegregation. Generations once removed from the Civil Rights struggle seem to have forgotten the lessons. And we as a people started doing it to ourselves. Instead of being forced to go through the back door, we started voluntarily going through the black door.

The black door. Black kids voluntarily sit on the back of the bus because it's cool. Black kids sit in the back of the classroom, act up, don't study, and don't achieve, not because they don't have access to good materials but because the opposite of those actions is considered to be assimilation, selling out, and acting white. The black door.

This blackened seasoning has also been sprinkled on the entertainment industry. Why, in the late 20th century and early 21st century, do we still feel that it's necessary to remake entertainment entities in the black image? And why do the perpetrators of this activity try to hide behind the idea that it's just "telling our story" especially when it usually means highlighting the negative stereotypes about black people?! One of my favorite examples of this activity is awards shows. I get the fact that black achievement is often overlooked at traditional awards ceremonies, but somewhere in the midst of trying to highlight the achievement we also manage to celebrate the very worst sides of black entertainment. The Source Awards, for example, are always punctuated by acts of violence before, during, or after the show in addition to expletive laced acceptance speeches and performances. In the same manner, the BET Awards also feature artists (and sometimes hosts) coming to the stage drunk, high, and showing off a cup of what they are drinking. Even if water is in the cup, these people portray a certain image that is considered appropriate for black people but really belies the black experience. The black door.

Furthermore, shows like Flava of Love, I Love New York, Hell Date which are patterned after insipid shows like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Blind Date also showcase and thrive on the very worst of black behavior. Characters are often portrayed as uneducated, sex-hungry, alcoholics without a trace of decorum. The fact that it's great for ratings speaks directly to the power of the the black door mentality. It not only reinforces the negative stereotypes that were once wrongfully put into the ether by the white establishment, but also it sends the message that the stereotype is true.

At the end of Spike Lee's School Daze, Laurence Fishburne implored people to wake up! I am going to reiterate his sentiment and go a step further. Black people: Stop playing the victim! Just because there was a time when the only way to get noticed in an industry was to play a negative role (maid, downtrodden, ignorant, uneducated, thug, drug dealer, etc.) doesn't mean that embracing that notion as "the way black people act" is okay. Denigrating achievement, accusing black people who have achieved of selling out, and perpetuating the idea that you're not black if you speak English (not Ebonics), use LOL (not GNR), or don't like chicken and watermelon is counterproductive. We are intelligent, creative, and capable and so much better than proudly entering through the black door. Our parents and grandparents suffered numerous indignities and fought for their rights so that their children and grandchildren (us) could have opportunities to show their worth. They fought so that we could go through the FRONT door. Let's use it.

I have a problem. I realized recently that my brain 's hard drive does not automatically save all the fabulous ideas I have! At least twenty times a day, an idea for how to finish an existing story (that is supposed to become my next novel) or a new idea for a story pops into my head. I could be driving down the road and listening to a CD or actively tuning out the my kids' incessant chatter when, like a ton of bricks, an idea hits me!


I can't remember now that I'm at my computer because I thought of it while I was on my way to the grocery store. I remembered to get starch for the hubby (who reminded me three times before he left for work). I remembered to get stamps from the Post Office, though I don't remember why I needed three of them. I remembered that we needed black pepper and that I was supposed to remind the hubby to get a title of a book from his boss for me. Hell, I remember my senior year class schedule from high school---including who taught each class! But I can't remember what Tracy was going to say when confronted by the man she's loved she was a kid. And because I can't remember, every time I boot up the computer and try to write I loathe what pours forth onto the page. Seriously! I have deleted more words than I've written in the last few days.

So whose bright idea it was to equip computers with an "autosave" function but not my brain? Perhaps I should work on this type of technology. I am certain there is a market for it. There's no way that I am the only person this happens to. What's that? I should walk around with a digital recording device so that I can say my ideas out loud when I think of them? Yeah, right. Picture it: Sicily, 1935. A young girl is working on her father's fishing boat... (A Golden Girls reference. I couldn't resist! RIP Bea Arthur and Estell Getty). But, seriously, did you miss the part about being in a noisy car with music and chatty kids? I'm supposed to add fumbling in my purse---while I drive---to find a voice recorder? By the time I find it, I have every reason to believe that I will have forgotten what I wanted to record ... or be in a ditch! Plus, I have a digital recording device. It's called an iPhone. Please refer to the aforementioned noise and possibility of peril as I fumble for it when I need it.

No, hear me clearly. I need an "autosave" feature implanted into my brain. Post haste. I shouldn't call it writer's block. I should call it writer's amnesia. I can only pray that it's of the short term variety or I may never publish again.

Wait!

Tracy hits her head on the steering wheel during a car accident! She was trying to dictate notes into her digital recorder when she swerves off the road. David is the first on the scene to save her because he's ... a doctor.

Hmmmm ... Maybe I should I stop belly-aching and write that down.

I was taking the hubby to work this morning (sometimes we think it's cool to carpool) when I heard tell of a really ridiculous story. There is a woman who is suing her alma mater for $70,000 because--get this--she can't find a job. Um, wtf? I think this lawsuit goes on the list right underneath suing McDonald's because they had the nerve to serve hot coffee. Frivolous is not a strong enough word to describe this stupidity, and I hope this suit never sees the inside of a courtroom. I wish that a judge would wipe his/her ass with the papers the suit is printed on. No. I hope that the attorneys for the school (and it doesn't matter what school it is!) revoke her degree, renounce her acceptance and sue her for attempting to represent herself as a graduate from the institution! What is the world coming to when you can sue your college because a company has the audacity to pass on offering you a job? Lady, I wouldn't hire you to walk my dog at this point because you are clearly unstable!

But, okay. For a moment, let me try to follow this woman's logic (snicker). The following is my updated life plan based on the flawed logic of an idiot who has proven to the world beyond a shadow of doubt that college isn't what it used to be:

I'll start by suing my high school. I went to school every day and made great grades. But they wouldn't let me be the Valedictorian because, well, someone had a higher GPA than I did at the end. Those assholes!

Next, I am going to sue Duke University for accepting me but not offering me enough scholarship money. They invited me to spend an entire weekend on campus. I met people, went to classes, and partied with upperclassmen. On the day that I came back home the thick enveloped stuffed with an embossed folder (which contained my acceptance letter) awaited me. They let me fall in love with their beauty and then snatched the rug out from underneath me. They owe me big time!

Then, I want to sue Harvard Medical School for not accepting me. Surely, if I had gone to Harvard, I would be a world-class physician today---maybe even a Nobel Laureate! I think it's safe to say that I would be a millionaire, so that would be a fair settlement offer, right?

Finally, I want to sue Oprah Winfrey for not choosing Hot Chocolate (available at www.tomikadmoody.com) for her book club. If Ms. Winfrey had chosen to feature my book, Tyler Perry would be making a movie of it as we speak! Again, I would have reached number one on the New York Times' Bestseller List which would make me a millionaire. But it's Oprah, so I have to sue her for more, right?

If all of this sounds ridiculous to you then you're totally getting my point. To sue your degree-granting institution because you can't land a job is like suing the Bass Corporation because you don't catch fish when you go fishing. It's stupid. For some reason, in this country we believe that that we don't have to work to achieve. Things should just be given to us based on charm and good looks. And when we don't get what we want, we cheat (play the race card, call the media, sue, etc.). Whatever happened to 'try, try again?' Whatever happened to do something else until that perfect job comes along? Is it really the university/college's fault that you suck at interviewing and can't close the deal? Is it possible that you were a subpar student and will probably be a subpar employee who clocks in late and leaves early and employers can smell it on you?

Lady, here's a tip: There are lots of jobs out there just waiting to be had. It might be a job that requires you to get on your knees (and scrub toilets) for a while or to flip burgers and wear a name tag, but it's an honest living. And a person who would rather sue for easy money than to stay on the grind isn't qualified to do much more in my opinion.

(*Note to any dumbass thinking of taking my comments out of context: I have no intention of filing any lawsuits against any of the aforementioned individuals or institutions.)

unReality TV...
There are soooooo many things that can be said about the season premier of The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA)that I just don't know where to begin! Should I start with the fact that suddenly everybody is against Liar Barbie (aka Kim)? The fact that Sheree downsized her house---she obviously didn't get her seven figure divorce settlement---and up supersized her body? Or maybe I should discuss how a 38 year-old Lisa Wu Hartwell, who already has kids by Keith Sweat (Eeewww) and one with semi-retired Ed Hartwell is concerned about having another child but apparently not at all concerned about the fact that she has been dumbed down this season. Hmmm...

Better than fiction...
How about we begin with the fact that there is nothing real about this show. These women were not friends before, though Nene and Sheree swear they were. They were picked by the network and thrown together to make us believe that they were friends. If you want a reality show about real friends with something to offer the world, then I think cameras should follow me and my friends around. We have things that these women do not---authentic personalities, real careers, and real problems. We don't spend our time planning narcissistic parties (Sheree), spending money we don't really have and boasting of fake ass relationships with married men (Kim), trying to find out who our real fathers are (NeNe), or trying to convince our six year-old daughters that marrying a man with six kids of his own is a good idea (Kandi). As a group, we've dealt with layoffs, starting new businesses, having kids (some more than others), infidelity, and straight up insanity, and we've kept it classy and friendly. Do we disagree? Absolutely. Do we snipe at each other and question each other's judgement sometimes? Hell yes! There's a little bit of bitch in every woman, and when you put us in the same room it can boil to the surface sometimes. But at the end of the day, we don't look to one-up each other at every turn because we realize that we're not in competition with each other. We have each other's backs because we're more than just friends. We've come to a point where we've known each other longer than we haven't, and we're not interchangeable from one season to the next.

The ugly truth...
I guess that's why we don't get a show, though. Apparently, no one wants to watch a show about friends who genuinely love and support each other and want the best for each other. Collectively, I guess our friendship doesn't have the ghetto-say-qua (bka je ne sais quoi) that these women bring---we would be replaced the way DeShawn was. Sadly, I think most Americans aren't ready for real reality. We're totally in love with this falsified version of reality where psuedo-nouveau riche women go around behaving like sixth graders keeping up a bunch of he-said-she-said drama. No one wants to see a show about women who are running successful households, maintaining healthy relationships, and raising well-adjusted kids. Why? Because it's positive? Boring? Grounded in reality? Lacks the weekly threat of a knock-down drag-out with a hairdresser, party planner, or each other? I know...we need an over the top gay confidant. Yeah, then he can drink mimosas with us, get pedicures with us, and even dance with us (with his pants unbuttoned?). Yeah...wait on it.

Like a moth to a flame...
As critical as I am of the buffoonery that occurs on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, though, I am ashamed (a little bit) to say to that I will probably not miss an episode. It provides a lot of fodder for conversation. Look for more in-depth blogs about this show as the season goes on. I figure by blogging about it, I can avoid going to sleep with an "angry vagina!" (WTH is that anyway?) I can vent my spleen about it, you can get a laugh, and we all win regardless of the level of harshness. Besides (and in the infamous words of Sheree), who gon' check me, boo?

I wonder why it is that ev-er-y time I go out of town without the hubby, it is impossible to get him on the phone? I am merely trying to check in, let him know I made it in safely, and tell him I love him---the usual drill. But as usual, he is nowhere to be found when I arrive after eight long hours of driving (or riding).

Fortunately for me, I am not concerned that he is out doing body shots off butt-naked freaks. That's not his stilo---he would never do body shots, but his freaks would serve a mean Amaretto Sour, though! No. He is somewhere sans cell phone and doing something totally constructive (like cleaning or studying or exercising) and has not thought about the fact that I am pulling my hair out with worry over his whereabouts! And when he finally calls (which will be before he goes to bed and when it finally occurs to him that he hasn't heard from me), he'll call and enjoy a private laugh at my expense for ever worrying at all.

Now to his credit, I did leave him a voice message ... and an email the moment I arrived at my well-appointed condo in Orlando (which I'll blog about later). I updated Twitter and Facebook, so it's more than possible that he is well aware that I arrived safely. But that's not the point. I need to know that he is all right! I need to be assured that he will somehow manage to feed himself and get to and from work without me. I know. It's not like I am all that helpful with those endeavors any other day, but every married person reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about! Plus, since I am the woman, I know for a fact that if the shoe was on the other foot, he would be beside himself for not being immediately available to him when he called me. But that's another ball of wax.

Oh well...I guess I will just have to continue to stalk him on all his numbers, suffer his mild irritation when I finally reach him, and try not to sound too exasperated when I get to him. I'll simply say, "Hey, Sweetie! Whatcha been doing? I miss you and love you." He'll answer my questions and ask me a few cursory questions of his own. We'll nonchalantly end the conversation as if we'll wake up next to each other in the morning.

And then we'll dance this dance again. Tomorrow.