For the past week, my friends’ Facebook pages have been a-twitter with their thoughts and observations on marriage and relationships. The posts and subsequent responses were timely and intelligent, save for a few outliers, and several times, the statement was made that we should hold a seminar on healthy marriages. So here, is my version of Marriage 101. This course can and should be followed by those seeking marriage (so you can know how to act), those who are curious about marriage (and wonder if it’s something they should do) and those who are already married (who should only be auditing this course but may be in a rocky place where they need to pull out some notes).
The course is broken up into five workshops:
Part I - The Wedding
This will be the shortest part of the series because in the grand scheme of things, it’s the least important part of the relationship. Sure, it seems important at the time it’s being planned, but trust me. It’s just not. Participants will hear, first-hand, from the experts, some of whom did it big, small, or just plain wrong!
Part II - Communication
This is the hallmark of any healthy relationship. Lack of communication opens the door to problems in any marriage. This workshop will help you avoid the common pitfalls of communication (e.g. worrying about being right instead of listening, choosing your battles, and lying). You’ll hear from couples that get this right and the variety of ways they do it.
Part III - Friendship
Simply put, your spouse should be your best friend, and as such, he/she is afforded all best-friend privileges—absolute trust, knowing your innermost hopes, dreams, fears, etc. If you and your spouse are not each other’s best friend, there is a problem. Period. This workshop will highlight some couples whose friendships are obvious and uninhibited. From these examples, anyone should be able to correct and/or prevent this problem in his/her own relationship.
Part IV – Sex
Of course, this is the workshop everyone wants to take. It will probably be standing room only! However, did you know that even if you had sex day every day (with your spouse!) for one hour, over a thirty-year marriage that’s only 10,950 hours of your marriage. What is your plan for the other 251,850 hours? This question will be explored thoroughly since most people mistakenly believe that sex is the most important part of a marriage. It’s important to be sure, but most important? Experts will speak on the integral nature of sex in their marriages ad how it is enhanced when other components are in place.
Part V - Outside Relationships
We’re not just talking infidelity here. Any type of relationship with someone other than your spouse is an outside relationship—friends, family, etc. These relationships definitely play a part in your marriage, but how big a part is the focus of this workshop.
Some of you may be laughing as you read this or think that I am joshing, but I want you to know that I am totally serious with this one! I look forward to lots of feedback on these workshops. The purpose is to shine a light on what’s great about marriage but also to educate folks on what’s real about it. Stay tuned!
